What do you think of the introduction to my story?

You can definitely write, so I applaud you for that. However, too much description and minuscule details get in the way. You don't have to do so much to describe the scene/setting...just tell the story. We don't have to know what EVERYTHING looked like, sounded like, felt like...to imagine we're there. That's part of the fun of reading...using our own imagination in the world you're presenting to us. Limit some of that, is my only critique. Other than that, keep up the good work!