Is my story any good so far now i've altered it part 1?

You can't start sentences with but or and. Your sentence structure is very repetitive which isn't good in a narrative. It's means it is, its means belonging to it "it until it’s pale icy hands" though this error was fixed in the next sentence leading me to believe it was a simple typographical error. It seems as though this would make a decent story. I suggest varying your sentence structure more to make it appealing.